The last 6 months or more have been crazy for myself and definitely a tad different for my family.
We thought that taking on two international students would give me the ability to stay at home with my young toddler. Financially it looked like a good gig. We figured “hey why not, I’m gonna make food for my family anyways, why not just make bigger dinners and get to know a different culture”
Man was I WRONG.
I won’t go to much into details but it was definitely NOT EASY.
It took a toll on me. I was trying to please a 15 and 16 year old. Trying to make everyone happy. I just wanted them to feel comfortable in our home so that I could feel comfortable in my own home.
It never happened. I burned out. Started to resent these kids in my home and I shut down.
I had many arguments with my spouse about how we should deal with these kids that didn’t respect our rules, that would expect certain things of me, that very rarely would say “thank you” (this one killed me)
We finally made the decision that no money in the world was worth our peace of mind and the bad energy that was floating in our home, so we pulled the plug and said “adios” to both students.
I felt like a weight was lifted. I was free. I felt the energy of the house shift. It was an amazing feeling! I said to myself “when Bohdi naps I’m gonna smudge the shit outta this house, drink tea and take some time for ME!”
Bohdi finally went down for a nap, I made a bowl of soup and a cup of tea, took a deep breath to write a post on taking time for yourself and being present and calm, then BAM!
Bohdi wakes up. Screaming, crying and demanding me.
“No, this can’t be how my new day, my new beginning is gonna start!” The kids usually a pro napper, sleeps anywhere between 2-3 hours. So sleeping 30-40 mins was just a tease!
I try and wait him out. Nope. He’s pissed. I finally go in to get him, and long story short, he cried and whined all day.
My tea went cold. My workout didn’t happen. My dishes stayed piled and my random projects I wanted to get done, didn’t. No smudging, no crafting, no down time, just cranky ass toddler.
It was a long day to say the least.
But as I take a moment to look at it now. That’s life. Just when you start to plan out your day and expect things to go a certain way, the universe says, “well, if you truly want to be present, BE with your child and show compassion. Not everything is gonna get done in one day. This is a new beginning and how you deal with all the bumps is going to show you if you are truly working towards being a better human like you said you’d like to be” (well that’s what the big U said to me)
And I can admit that I let the bumps get to me yesterday.
I got overwhelmed and shut down and Took a little pity party.
I WANTED to smudge the house, I WANTED to write a new blog post, I WANTED to paint the kitchen, i WANTED to workout, I WANTED to take care of loose ends I’ve been meaning to take care of, but instead I got a cranky kid who just wanted his mom.
If that didn’t happen I wouldn’t been able to look back on yesterday and say “shit, how the eff did I expect to do ALL that shit in one day? Hell I wanted to get most of that done in a two hour time frame”
This is an eye opener that I DONT need to get everything done and I need to start making lists and prioritize.
Time to put “calmness” into practice and do things with intention.
Moral of the story.
With every door that closes, the new beginning starts, but it may not start as gingerly as you’d like. But when shit goes sideways, you have the ability to step back, reflect and decide how the next day is going to go.
So today. I go with the flow. I will be grateful for all that comes my way, and I’ll write a list of things I’d like to accomplish but if I don’t, I will go easy on myself.
lanaya*living 